


Forced Smiles And Warm Days.

by Major_Lady_Writer22



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Past, Established Relationship, John is Not Amused, John is a Mess, John's Childhood, M/M, Mpreg, My First Work in This Fandom, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, Protective John, Reichenbach Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-11 08:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15311238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Major_Lady_Writer22/pseuds/Major_Lady_Writer22
Summary: “It’s been two years” His mother shrugged looking even more worn out then she had “Some young thing came stumbling in town and caught his attention and I woke up one morning with all his things missing” She looked utterly exhausted and it really made John feel like an ass. Climbing up them three steps felt like twenty, he came face to face with his mother she looked older and worn out, she had developed a whole head of grey hairs and more crows feet but she kept that charm to her, the one that made her look innocent and warm.





	1. 1.

**2009.**  


John's father constantly held his family on a High pedestal, he had everything in the public eye but once that door was closed the secrets sneaked out.  
  
John’s father was an abusive drunk who buried it wonderfully well, his wife was a homemaker by force he demanded someone to carry his children while cooking and cleaning. He needed a maid, not a wife.   
  
When John came out to his father, he had reacted coolly which shifted very quickly once he learned that John was being serious, his father had beaten him, howled homophobic slurs and nearly kicked him out if his mother hadn’t stepped in.  

As the years wore on his dad only grown weaker, he didn’t have the energy to raise his a hand or run after them when the time came, and it got easier and easier for his mom to leave him but yet she stayed, stayed to take care of him, stayed with the slurs he shouted. She settled for that.

But John didn’t once he completed High School he left his family behind and didn’t look back for years. That life was behind him, he concentrated on his role and how’d he’ll survive with the life he started but he neglected the reality.

Settling in London wasn't easy, he had no good place and the shabby one bedroom apartment was cramped, it was the size of a broom closet and he had to settle like always, he found the bright side to his situation.   
  
In the years he was gone he contacted his family once a year and maybe sending cash if he could manage it but the principle hurts and he just wasn’t ready for the misery that was behind that closed door, he needed more time, maybe when he's older and established so he can throw it in his father's face. Maybe then.

Once he got shot John had packed up his things and went back to the place that made him run in the first place, the place that held so many bad memories but yet it always held him back in life so he had no idea why he was back. but here he was hand trembling smiling bitterly.  
  
Limping towards the house seemed to suffocate him, the pain, the laughter, the memories all screamed at him he can’t remember the last time he was happy in this house but he remembers his dad actually being decent and not an idiot he recalls but it just wasn’t enough.

Before the beatings, the slurs, and mental abuse John's father was a loving father and husband but times had gotten rough and he had to take double shifts but even then that didn't stop him from making it home for bedtime. But he got lazier and sloppy so while putting himself in danger along with millions of people he had to be let go. Then it started.

His father worked at food processing plant, tossing ingredients into large steel bowls but instead of doing it the right way he made a shortcut which caused him his job and the business to recall the food and that resulted in them losing money.

"John?" Her southern accent drawing out his name more than needed so it sounded more like 'jawn' he had slightly missed it. It was nice to hear it after so long.

Climbing up them three steps felt like twenty, he came face to face with his mother she looked older and worn out, she had developed a whole head of grey hairs and more crows feet but she kept that charm to her, the one that made her look innocent and warm.  
  
The tears rolled down her face and the redding of her face indicated that she was either extremely sad or happy, her hand loosely clasped over her mouth made it hard to understand.  
  
"It’s me mummy" Between the choked out sobs coming from his mother John managed to get her into his embrace, he could the tears seeping into the old ratty jumper he wished for a split second he hadn’t left his mother.

Once she pulled away her hands found his face, holding him so gently she got a good look at her baby boy, she couldn’t believe how much he had grown. His pale blue eyes held so much she couldn’t help but cry, she had damaged her baby.  
  
Her hands slipped away to wipe her own tears away “oh John” she sighed “you certainly knew what you were doing”  
  
She smiled weakly “Come inside 

The house still looked the same besides the missing pictures and old couch the occupied the spot in front of the couch was now new, clean and had no dent from his father sitting in the same spot for hours on end.

“It’s so different here” His finger dragged along the wall as he walked towards the hall, it had felt calm like there was no black cloud constantly hanging above the home like an itch that you couldn’t scratch.

“After your father left I needed a change” John turned seeing his mother still by the door which was now closed and all while he was at the entrance of the hall he was too busy admiring how peaceful the house seemed to notice that the black cloud was gone.

“When did he leave?” His mother hadn’t mentioned his father in her many letters she wrote him over the years and he certainly didn’t ask about him, but he was curious as to when the man decided that beating the same women got boring.

“It’s been two years” His mother shrugged looking even more worn out then she had “Some young thing came stumbling in town and caught his attention and I woke up one morning with all his things missing”

She looked utterly exhausted and it really made John feel like an ass.

“I felt so angry at myself for even thinking that he’ll stay after everything he put us through, I was stupid and shouldn’t even lingered around that long, but I kept telling myself that you and your sister needed a daddy, that I couldn’t put you through what I went through” She laughed bitterly.

“No instead I put you both through something worse, growing up without him probably would’ve been better than putting up with his bullshit”

John knew where his mother was coming from and he didn’t want to blame her for his childhood being ruined but a part of him did.

His mother stayed with a man who used them for his own personal gain and left his mother embarrassed and the town’s joke, the man destroyed John but it was John who decided that he could no longer have that pull on him.

The emotional bond in their relationship was so damaged to John that he was afraid that he could never repair it, he felt stuck in this never-ending circle.

“It was a selfish act, you acted on what you desired not what was best for us” John couldn’t hold back and he was rethinking his decision on coming home.

It had seemed like his mother was taken back at his words like he had told her a lie that offended her character which wasn’t the case, he told her the truth she didn’t want to hear and that wasn’t his fault that she couldn’t handle it.

He remembered nights were he begged his mom to leave, to fight back to do something and she did nothing, he had control of everything and that was perfectly fine to her that she and her children could possibly die because of that man. It was perfectly fine to her.

“I didn’t know you felt that way” John shrugged, of course, she didn’t even after all this he didn't want to hurt his mother further.

“You should’ve felt that way” She walked closer but started at a slow pace like she was proceeding with caution.

"There is a lot of things that we don't know mum"  John had wished the topic was switched he didn't feel like getting into the rough, didn't like the dark ends of conversations.

"Yes, well I suppose you are right" Smiling weakly she clasped her hands together "Are you hungry? I can make lunch"

Kindly turning down her invitation to lunch John needed to get out, it was a mistake coming back and he didn't want to face Harriet while they hadn't had the best relationship John was there whenever she needed a timeout and he was guessing when he left it made it harder to do so.

"It's best I get going I wouldn't want to upset Harry by me being here" Nodding his mother seemed to understand, Harry was the one to hold grudges to always throw them in your face whenever she needed to win in an argument. It was never safe to do anything to Harriet Joan Watson.

Heading towards the door John turned back seeing his mother still in the same spot only turning to see her child head out. 

"I'll visit again soon"

_Lie._

 

 

  



	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up so late making sure this was as best as it got. Hopefully no mistakes.

**2014.**

 

"I didn't agree to Chemicals today Sherlock" The chemical ban is something they both agreed to when they found out that John was pregnant. It became hard for both at first, Sherlock not wanting to give up his experiments and John who fussed every time he walked in the door and had to immediately rush to the restroom because the strong smell of the Chemicals didn’t agree with John.    
  
When John thought about his pregnancy it really didn’t click that he was having a baby and with Sherlock of all people. He knew that Sherlock would be a great father but he was second-guessing himself.   
  
While going to therapy for six years. He became mindful that he couldn't put the fault on his mother or father and that he needed to let go of his pain, he couldn't dwell on what he couldn't fix.   
  
So now his biggest problem was coming to terms that this baby would have the best life possible and Sherlock wasn’t his father and John wasn’t his mother.   
  
"I'm aware John" He knew but nobody was due to arrive anytime soon so why not entertain himself with things that won't bore him.   
  
John knew he should let Sherlock continue but slowly their guests were arriving and since they were holding the dinner at Mrs. Hudson's, they were needed downstairs to be good hosts.   
  
"Then know that we are needed plus the baby wants your help" At the mention of their child Sherlock looked up at John who smiled softly.   
  
"I'll allow you to manipulate me this once" Abandoning his works Sherlock took John's hand and led them both to Mrs. Hudson's apartment which was filled with their guests.   
  
With John only being six weeks he had his mindset that he wanted the Eight months to be as easy as possible but he was carrying Sherlock Holmes baby nothing about this pregnancy would be normal, so when he started calling someone he didn’t want to he knew he knew it was a problem.   
  
The call to his mother was bittersweet, he hadn't talked to or visited her in years so talking to her and announcing his pregnancy was most likely the wrong move but it was either then or she would've never known.   
  
While he didn't fully invite his mother to their dinner, he didn't exactly hold back on the information either, and when she asked if she and Harry could drop in John agreed, He wanted his family there even if it was on shaky grounds.   
  
Separating himself from Sherlock, John made his way to his mother and Harry. It caused John's chest to fill with panic he knew about Harry's alcohol problem but he never interacted with her sober but he just didn't know if today was the appropriate time to do so since it was the first gathering since John announced and they all wanted to celebrate.   
  
"Mum, I'm glad you can make it" Harry scoffed rolling her eyes, she didn't believe anything that came out of John's' mouth.   
  
"I'm glad you came to Harry," John offered since Harry seemed to assume that they weren't welcomed which held some truth to it.   
  
"Why now then? Mum barely hears from you and when she does, it's because you need something or need to tell her how bad of a mother she is," Harry ranted out and they both let her.   
  
"You barely acknowledge the fact that dad is trying to make up for the past, you choose to live in the past John and can't focus on the future,"   
  
Setting her drink on the nearby table Harry strolled out of the apartment, she told her peace now she needed a drink, a stronger mix then what they had.   
  
"John if I would've known-" Shaking his head John turned away from his mother to thankfully see that everyone ignored what just went on and remained on with their conversations except for Sherlock who was staring intensely.   
  
"Dinner is ready" Mrs. Hudson announced smiling with her hands clasped together as they all filled the dining table, forcing a smile to Molly who gently patted his shoulder as she sat down to the left of him and Sherlock to the right.   
  
"So Ms. Watson how long have you been in London?" Molly asked while scooping some peas on her plate then passing the bowl to Mycroft who passed them to Greg with pure disgust written on his face.

"Oh my, it's been thirty years," Laughing softly she shook her head "Thirty long but wonderful years,"   
  
Smiling Molly nodded, satisfied with her answer. But it wouldn't be a normal conversation with the Holmes brothers in the same room together.  
  
"It's actually been thirty-four years," Sherlock provided "Given your age and John's you must know that you came while you were pregnant with John. Correct?"  
  
John's mother stared not knowing what to say or do, she wasn't use to Sherlock being... well Sherlock so being Sherlock, Sherlock found the facts and spilled them. Because facts mattered.  
  
"Oh well yes that is." Settling over the silence nobody dared to speak the only noise that was coming from everyone was the tiny little scraping sounds from their silverware on the plates.  
  
"Oh, John tell us about your checkup?" Mrs. Hudson asked struggling to create some type of conversation.  
  
"Well it seems that the baby is growing nicely, I'm only six weeks, so it's the size of a pea"   
  
Talking about the baby was all it took for the buzz to start back, even his mother seemed to enjoy herself, the evening turned out to be a long shot but it worked for them, nothing was ever normal or easy going for them but they didn't want to change that.  
  
As the evening went on, they shared stories about their younger and when Mrs. Watson was up she had a small request; if they could all go around saying what they are thankful for since Thanksgiving wasn't celebrated and she wanted a little piece of home.   
  
They all had agreed seeing as it was great to say what you are thankful for every once and while. No harm was done.  
  
Molly was thankful for encountering such wonderful people and getting to know them better, she was glad she had new people to call her family.  
  
Mrs. Hudson was thankful for meeting three lovely boys who filled her home and made her a grandmother because she was fully claiming the title, and couldn't wait for Mycroft to have his own.  
  
Greg was thankful for being invited, or else he would've been at home with a frozen supper watching old movies dwelling on his divorce.  
  
Mycroft really didn't have anything to say but he rather keep like that, especially after what Mrs. Hudson said.  
  
Mrs. Watson was thankful for her baby to be back in her life knowing they didn't have the best of relationship but was glad that with times like these she could enjoy his presence.  
  
John was thankful for Sherlock and the family that they were building, he could and would never trade what they had for the world, how he appreciated everyone's presence of being here when they could've been celebrating elsewhere.  
  
Sherlock also kept silent but the kiss on John's cheek spoke loud enough for everyone.  
  
As they all cleared out, John and his mother spoke quietly it was hushed whispers with the occasional loud outburst but it didn't seem heated but it didn't seem happy either.  
  
"Sherlock you will burn a hole in the floor with all of that pacing" Mrs. Hudson scolded, she knew he was worried but he needed to worry silently.  
  
"But John is down there with someone who he barely acknowledges" Shaking her head Mrs. Hudson led Sherlock to the couch.  
  
"But do remember dear, that is his mother she's made mistakes but she seems very sorry for them" Sherlock sighed he wanted that to be true but he knew how to read people and he read them well.  
  
"She even went as far as giving everyone a good sense as to why they were all here, she's trying dear"  
 _  
_ _That was another lie_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to focus on John's and Sherlock's relationship but I couldn't balance properly and ended up focused on other things but I hope it's good.
> 
> So I fucked up. I put Thanksgiving to remind myself for the ending. Thank you scrub456 for pointing it out.


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names. They finally have names.

**1980.**

 

"Jolene, you have to stop worrying doll" She frightened, she doesn't know what to do. She's far from home she's with a man she hardly knows, and she's having a baby by him. How can she stop worrying?

 "How can I? How are you going to justify this to your wife? I can't be the one to break up a home" She wanted God would strike her down right here right now, she was so ignorant to the fact that someone had seen her for who she was, a brilliant, beautiful young lady who had a lot going for herself but now all of that was wrecked.

She had just landed In London with her Mother when she met Harry, he unintentionally picked up her suitcase confusing it for his sister's and they spent a solid twenty minutes debating over who's it was, it ended up to be hers so he offered her his number to make up the twenty minutes they both blew. 

She enthusiastically accepted she saw she couldn't pass up the chance to get to know him, after all, he was the first handsome man who actually greeted her in London in a strange manner but to her, that counted too.

"She's known about you for quite some time now" He just sounded unfazed at the matter like the situation was nothing new that this has taken place before and he's gotten over the being shocked bit of it.

She couldn't think straight it had merely been a month since she met him, only a month since she settled down in London. What would her mother think, what would she do when she discovers her daughter is carrying her first grandchild? 

So many concerns were flooding through her head, the mistake of sleeping with Harry the second night she'd known him had now reared its hideous head, she felt so cheap, so filthy. 

"I'm keeping it, and I aim to be far away from you as possible" Now she felt hatred it felt as if they planned this, like him and his wife planned for him to get her pregnant and plot to take away her baby. She was going crazy. 

"Come one doll," He pleaded "Don't say things like that," 

She needed to go home, not be in the dingy room he rented so they could talk, she needed to be elsewhere, he has broken her mind and body and she helped him do so. How was this her life? 

"I have ruined my life with a married man and now my baby will face what his mother has done, I will not make him experience that" She stood up and paced, she wanted her baby to be successful and have both parents but it couldn't happen and she realized that. 

"He?" She flapped her hand at his question, it was much too early to know but she felt in her heart that the baby was a boy, a joyful, fussy boy with her blond hair and Harry's blue eyes.

"It's too early, I hardly know if I'm pregnant but once my mom pointed out the symptoms it just seemed to fit" Her appointment was next week that'll make her four weeks if her calculations were right and they'll know, or maybe she was just imagining everything and she just caught a bug.

"But if I am I will not be thrilled with you, Harry Watson" 

**1984.**

"John, no running in the house!" The little blond child came to a halt still giggling, smiling tenderly Jolene disposed of the rubbish she was gathering into the bin, she opened her arms and her baby boy came crashing into her. 

"What are you doing bear?" Feeling his little hands on hers she squatted down looking her son his eyes. 

"Daddy is a monster" Jolene gasp "You must hide before he gets you bear" nodding John took off, his giggling echoing through the home. 

Hearing the squeals and laughter from John made Jolene wish she could keep him at this age forever. 

 It had been roughly four years since she shamefully found out she was pregnant with John and even though she wouldn't change it for the world the bruises that Harry left behind and the violent remarks he yells were something she wished to change. 

The abuse didn't start until John's second birthday, she had forgotten his cake which resulted in him slapping her down leaving behind a flaming angry handprint on her face. Now he's four and things just worse.

 Jolene had gone to the doctors for a routine checkup and when they told her she was pregnant, she had known she needed to get away before he had gotten ahold of their children; she knew she could deal with the abuse but she would be damn if he struck her John.

 Following the laughs, Jolene found herself at the front door watching Harry pick John up to kiss him goodbye caused her heartache she couldn't possibly rob her children of a parent but she also couldn't stay no matter what her mother taught her.

 "Come, bear daddy has work" Letting himself get distracted by his mother's voice John listened to what his mother had said. 

Sliding out of his father's arms John stood by his mother waving to his Father as he walked out glaring at Jolene, hurrying to grab the suitcase from under the small cabinet that was under the staircase she tugged on her coat over her sleeping gown. She needed to act fast. 

Her coat was thankfully long enough to hide what she was wearing, she snagged her shoes and hurriedly tightened them, she had grabbed John's coat holding it out to him, "I need you to be a big boy for mommy and put on your coat John"

Carefully grabbing his coat John calmly put it on. Once it was on and zipped Jolene helped him put on his shoes, Once they were on and the velcro was in place Jolene clutched the suitcase and headed out the door, they needed to escape before anything tried to stop her.

"Mummy, where are we going?" Holding John's hand making sure he didn't miss a step Jolene struggled to answer is the question, she didn't know herself she just knew she couldn't go to her mothers.

Her mother would quickly tell Harry that she was there so she had to think who she could go to and who could she trust.

"I don't know yet bear" Walking out the building unto the busy street Jolene tried to hail a taxi, but one by one they all passed her up, starting to get pissed she tried again and with luck one pulled up to her.

"1345 Harley st please" The ride was quite, John had fallen asleep and Jolene was too stuck in her mind to try to entertain John she had finally left she didn't think she could but she did and it felt amazing.

Once they arrived Jolene paid the guy and grabbed her bag along with her sleeping toddler, walking up to the house felt as if she was doing something she wasn't supposed to, was it wrong to show up at Harry's ex-wife house?

Pushing the thoughts back Jolene knocked and waited for a response. 

Maybe she should've called, or wrote her about her situation before she came to her home where she lived without her husband because Jolene decided to snatch him away.

The door opened revealing a very amused ex-wife.

"Let me guess, he slapped you around too much and now you want out?" She rolled her eyes but moved to the side "Come in, he looks heavy"

She wouldn't go she needed to protect her babies.

 _Lie._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best, Not my best at all.


	4. 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this to be about John's background but I dug a huge hole.

**2015.**

At six months pregnant John figured out why the women in his birthing class had all wished him good luck when he was just happily five months enjoying the feeling of seeing the kicks his baby gave him. 

While the others complained about not being able to sleep, the heartburn and the endless need to relieve themselves John had none of it yet, he didn't gloat he just simply told them that every pregnancy was different it wasn't a shock when half of the other parents started despising him.

Now at six months exactly John was starting to wish he could have stayed five months, he couldn't sleep properly anymore and poor Sherlock was getting the rough end of it.

The constant twisting and turning had woken Sherlock and the baby up which John hadn't meant to do but he just wanted to be comfortable and not have restless legs and backaches but the extra weight just wasn't working with him.

That night John laid on his back as Sherlock had his ear pressed against his bare belly and since all the movement caused John to become overheated, the shirt was tossed somewhere around the room while Sherlock slowly rubbed his stomach and talk to their child John slowly relaxed and drifted off.

Of course, there were many nights like that one and each time Sherlock would caress his belly and tell their baby about the case he had that day, it was a beautiful sight but John never stayed up to hear the ending.

Now sitting in an uncomfortable booth he had to squeeze into because of all the tables were taken, he sat beside Sherlock while they waited for his mother.

John had agreed to a weekly meeting because if he was being honest he had missed his mum, and he wanted her in the baby's life despite every negative point Sherlock had made.

There was a reason why Sherlock didn't trust his mother other than the obvious and he wasn't telling John his concerns he just always stayed close whenever John and Jolene were in the same room.

"Oh, my look at you" Looking up and seeing his mother smiling softly he returned the smile but not daring to stand to greet her properly knowing it'll be difficult to get back in.

"I would stand to hug you but it's been a bit difficult lately" Nodding Jolene understood, she had been there and done that twice and was glad she never had to do it again.

Sliding into the booth Jolene sat her bag down next her, folding her arms on the table she made note that Sherlock attention was on his phone and not them.

"How have you been? I remember you saying that you find out the gender?" Jolene asked, practically on the edge of her seat.

That caught Sherlock's attention, putting the phone way he joined in on the conversation, "It's a boy" Sherlock said interrupting John who was mere seconds from revealing.

"The doctor said he's right on track and how that John should start leaking now" The shorter man slapped Sherlock's arm mumbling how some things are meant to be left unsaid.

"If you're anything like me you won't produce until birth" Jolene chuckled "I was a bit of a boy up top so there was nothing to work with"

"What helped you with coaxing it out," Sherlock asked, he was curious to see if John's pregnancy was similar to his mother's.

"John" Jolene grinned "I was afraid that I wouldn't be able too but once he latched on the rest is history" 

The conversation on like that for an hour, with Sherlock asking questions and Jolene answering.

John was happy sitting there and ordering food as Sherlock and his mother talked, the baby seemed to be happy as well since John managed to keep his food down.

Sherlock didn't miss a beat with talking to Jolene while he kept a palm on John's tummy, he liked feeling the kicks or watching John's stomach jump when the baby had hiccups. 

"What did John's father do when you went into labor" Jolene lost her smile and John sighed he knew what Sherlock was trying to do.

"I didn't tell him until I had John, it worried me about the wife," Smiling sadly his mother rubbed her hands together "I didn't want to face what I had done, so I went through it alone,"

"You don't have to answer mum" Shaking her head Jolene ignored John.

"John's father wasn't in his life until he was roughly two, I moved, changed my number which I should've kept doing,"

Jolene had many regrets but her children were never one of them, they were her greatest gifts and returning them just wasn't a choice ever.

"But if I did, I wouldn't have Harriet and even though she stumbles now, I'm positive she'll see what that she's falling in the line of the Watson men."

Now both Sherlock and John were confused.

"Watson men?" John asked

"Both your father and his father were abusive drunks, but the only difference was that your grandmother left him and it stayed like that, but I left and came back,"

Just seemed like the cycle was repeating but it had skipped John and went straight to Harry, who drunk herself to rock bottom but didn't care.

Shrugging Jolene continued "It's one of those things that you see you shouldn't do but go for it anyway"

She saw the red flags, she was even told about the flags but didn't care Harry was for her but she certainly wasn't for him.

"You still contact him," Sherlock said glaring at her as if she just betrayed the world with her choices.

"I do" She wasn't going to lie, she still talked to Harry when he wanted to talk and she was a fool for him.

"Why?" John asked "Why when he left you without a glance back"

She didn't understand herself and now having two other people see that her contacting him was a mistake, she knew it was a foolish thing to do. Just didn't want to admit to it.

"He came back to London for his ex-wife funeral when he dropped by but I wasn't home so he left a note," She didn't have the heart to tell her son that she was still in love with the man that broke her many ways.

"He said he wanted to make up for what he did and that he was clean" 

John struggled to keep calm.

"You believed him?" John said confused and hurt "You actually took his word"

She didn't believe him, but she wanted to see if he was actually sorry for what he had done.

"John, when your father left I had time to look at myself" And she did.

"I was an old woman who pushed away her son, let her daughter drink herself into a coma, and who let the one person who was supposed to protect them beat them" Blinking away her tears she continued.

"I failed at the one thing I felt I was good at" 

**__** _Truth._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm exhausted. I asked a friend to read and they said it was jumpy, and I honestly don't know if this was the best idea


	5. 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, I'll be going back and editing the holy crap out of the story and fixing it the best I can. I wanted to do the whole Study of Pink but the episodes are an hour and I'm lazy.

[2010](https://theroyalminds.tumblr.com/)

 

_Gunshots rang out, men yelling. Pain he feels pain why is he in pain? "Hang in there John" He can breathe the shock was too extreme, it burned his whole body, Why isn't anybody helping, why was his body hot, why can't he breathe, he needs to breathe. Breathe!_

Jolting out of his sleep John gasped for air, sitting upright he realized it was just a dream and he was no longer in Afghanistan. Falling back on his bed still breathing heavily he couldn't bear it in anymore, he started to shudder as he sobbed.

Later that morning John had gotten up to prepare a cup of coffee and since he wasn't in the frame of mind for cooking, he grabbed a fresh apple and had grabbed his laptop and opened his blog. Blank. Like it's been for weeks.

He glared at his blog until it was time to meet his therapist.

"How is your blog going?" She inquired.

"Oh, well, uh every great" John answered though they both knew it was a lie.

"You haven't printed a word, have you?"

"You just written 'still have trust issues'" 

She peered down at her notebook, she wasn't entertained.

"And you studied my writing upside down," She sightly smiled "See what I mean?"

John played with his fingers, he couldn't help himself, he hadn't had the best of luck with trust.

"John, you're a soldier it's going to take you a while to adapt to civilian life,"

He knew it was true, but it didn't mean he appreciated hearing it, John knew he was headstrong, he realized it was going to take some time but he was lonesome and his crappy apartment was closing in on him.

-.-

"The body of Beth Davenport a local MP to the ministry of Transport, Gary Jenkins age eighteen, and Sir Jeffrey Patterson who was a powerful attorney they all show to be linked," Sally Donovan explained. 

"But we are not certain at the moment because it just looks like a suicide" Clearing his throat Detective Inspector Greg Lestrade allowed his sergeant to go on.

"We are gathering all the evidence we can discover but as of now we have an extremely limited list," Sally hesitated, she presumes that's all she had to repeat.

"That is all we have to say and give to the public at this moment, No further questions will be clarified until we know,"

Before anyone could protest chimes on phones went off, it was one simple word with that stated "Wrong!"

"If you all got text's please ignore,"

One man was puzzled "It just states 'wrong'"

"Yes well just ignore that" Both Sally and Greg knew who it was, but the audience didn't and they rather keep it that way.

The message came through again.

Clearly whoever was delivering them wanted to be heard. 

One journalist asked, "If they are suicides why investigate?"

"We believe they are somehow linked to each other but as my sergeant said we are still gathering information"

When the third chime went off it was only Greg's phone and it was a text that read 'You know where to find me-SH'.

Greg scoffed and put his phone in his coat pocket quickly thanking the reporters, Sally and Greg made their leave.

 

-.-

Limping his way through the park John hears his name being called out, Turning he's faced with Mike Stamford, John didn't recognize the man for a second, he seemed different, maybe he was a few pounds lighter before and had actual hair.

"Mike Stamford, we worked at Bart's together" John nodded taking the mans outstretched hand, shaking it firmly while leaning on his cane.

"Oh yes sorry," John said apologizing

"Last I heard you were getting shot at, what happened?"

John shrugged "Got shot"

Catching up both John and Mike sat on the benched sipping their coffee.

"Are you staying in town? Getting your self-sorted?"

John sighed "I can't stay on an army pension"

Feeling his hand start to shake John clenched it and held in between his legs.

"Couldn't Harry help?" John snorted at the man's question, Harry couldn't help herself if she wanted too.

"Couldn't you get a flat-mate or something" 

John laughed humorlessly "Who would want me as their flatmate"

Mike laughed "You're the second person that has said that today"

"Who's the first?"

-.-

Unzipping the bag Sherlock sniffed the air "How fresh?" He asked.

"Just in, use to work here" The short brunette answered Molly Hooper was a short thing and couldn't help to be nervous in Sherlock's presence.

"Fine we'll start with the riding crop," Sherlock said while smirking, This one could be good.

Molly stood on the gallery watching as Sherlock hit the body he had looked good while doing so if she may add.

"Bad day?" 

Sherlock ignored her question "I need to know what bruises form in the next twenty minutes" 

Taking out his notepad Sherlock began his notes when Molly began talking.

"I'm sorry you were saying?" Molly hesitated maybe this wasn't the best idea but she couldn't back out now.

"Would you like to have coffee" Sherlock paused, he could go for coffee.

"Black, two sugars please I'll be upstairs" Molly stumbled over her words as Sherlock made his exit, her plan had failed and she felt like an idiot.

Knocking on the door Mike and John walked in to see Sherlock spare a glance before continuing what he was doing.

"What do I owe this pleasure" Sherlock didn't even look back up from his work while he talked.

"I wanted you to meet an old friend of mine, John Watson"

Sherlock stood up straight "Afghanistan or Iraq" 

John paused, he couldn't have said what he thought he said.

"Sorry?"

Sherlock stared "Which was it"

"Afghanistan" John looked at Mike who looked all too smug that cheeky bastard.

John watched as Molly brought in the coffee and handed it to Sherlock who which he thanked.

"How do you feel about the violin?" Sherlock asked, "Sometimes I play when I'm thinking, I don't talk for days and I'm sure flatmates should know the worst about each other right?"

Sherlock continued to read John leaving him confused and shocked as to why this man he barely knows just told things that Mike or John hadn't spilled.

"We'll meet at 221 Baker's street" Almost half-way out the door Sherlock stuck his head back in "Names Sherlock Holmes" he winked and left.

Turning to Mike he nodded at John "Yeah, he's always like that"

John was puzzled, but quite fascinated with the taller man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewatched the episode for the dialogue and tried to change it so I wouldn't run into any problems. I linked my tumblr so you guys could suggest what you want to read next or how I can it.


	6. 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short because I'm leaving for a couple days and wanted to get this out.

**2018.**

 

"Hamish, no running please" The sounds of the little feet on the hardwood floors echoed throughout the flat, the little boy was a carbon copy of Sherlock the only thing that John thinks Hamish got from him was his height. He had Sherlock's curls, eyes, nose just Sherlock everything except height.

Hamish was short for a three-year-old but not too short for the doctors to worry but it didn't stop John, he knew what it felt like to not reach the top shelf and have Sherlock lean over him to pull it down easily because he had trees for legs.

While Sherlock told John a million times that Hamish was a perfectly normal three-year-old who had one tall father and another short and that he might be taller when he's older but he shouldn't worry, it didn't make John feel better but it was a start.

"What are you looking at" John flinched as he heard Sherlock speak, Sherlock had to pick the moment when John was looking at nursery schools for Hamish.

"He's too young for school" John sighed, they've had this argument before.

Sherlock didn't think that Hamish was ready for school and should stay with John learning what John was teaching but John was ready for Hamish to interact with other children his age and to see that it was okay to venture out.

"He's going to school Sherlock" Closing his laptop John stood up, "He can't play with us forever he needs friends"

Sherlock didn't find it logical for his child to go off to school with a stranger and a bunch of germ-carrying ankle bitters, he wasn't pleased that John thought Hamish was ready to just leave.

"Plus I want to start picking up more shifts at the clinic" Catching Hamish as he was mid-run towards Sherlock, John picked him up kissing his cheek in the process.

Hamish was a social toddler so John wasn't worried that he would have a problem because it was Sherlock that was having such a hard time with the thought of Hamish being with strangers for hours on end.

"I see you're going through that brain of yours but just know it benefitting all of us" Sherlock watched as John and Hamish walked out of the kitchen without waiting for Sherlock to say anything.

He just didn't find it fair, the thought of leaving Hamish with strangers and children who most likely didn't even know how to spell their name was horrifying, Hamish was a bright three-year-old and they are going to ruin his baby.

-.-

**2018**

 

 

Once the teacher smiled at Hamish and showed him his cubby he was racing off with a red-haired boy to the playmat.

"Pick up is noon and if anything takes place, we'll be calling the first contact on their papers," The teacher smiled "If you have any questions I listed an email and phone number you can reach me from seven am to three pm,"

The parents all nodded they all seemed to think that the fairly young teacher was a miracle, she relaxed the parents down, the children and has an email specifically for questions, they deemed her an excellent fit, even Sherlock had nothing to say.

Leaving felt smoother than John and Sherlock had predicted, it scared John to leave Hamish but he knew this was the best for him, he needed friends, John wanted more shifts and he knew Sherlock wanted tougher cases, so everyone won.

"That wasn't so bad" Walking down the street towards the busy sidewalks Sherlock and John walked close together, fast and swift as always.

"He didn't care that we left" Chuckling John nodded, Hamish didn't even look back once the boy came to drag him away John was content at the moment but the way Hamish easily left was heartbreaking. He wanted tears, yelling, but he got nothing.

"Our baby is growing up" Stopping dead in his tracks Sherlock ran the words through his mind.

Their baby was growing up, soon he wouldn't need them, he'll be off to college, having babies of his own. His baby was growing up, and he didn't like that why did he have to grow up? For the first time in his life, things just didn't make sense.

Noticing Sherlock stopping John turned around "What happened" it happened in seconds, John Watson had a tall lanky body hanging on to him for dear life, "We need another" the words were muffled but John understood them.

Now, he wants another child but he won't pop out babies every time Sherlock feels as if they last don't need them anymore, and going through sleepless nights again after finally gaining his full eight hours was something John just wasn't willing to give up yet.

Patting Sherlock's back awkwardly John sighed and pushed him off "Get a case and we'll visit this discussion in due time"

The both of them straightened their clothes While Sherlock hailed a cab John thought it over. Were they ready for another child? Hamish was merely three and freshly potty-trained and John had some difficulties while he was in labor, they would have to have a deep talk about another baby.

The ride was silent, John felt like the spotlight was on him, the sudden confession put so many thoughts in his mind, so far he was nothing like his parents, Hamish was a happy toddler and he had yet to have the second child but the 'what ifs' popped up.

Having a second child might turn things for the worse, what if the second caused more problems because John was nearing forty and it'll be a very high-risk pregnancy were they really ready for trying for a calm nine months when nothing was ever calm in their lives.

Sherlock noticed John's stressing and reached to grab his hand and while John wasn't expecting it he accepted it gladly. Calming down John squeezed Sherlock's hand.

Sherlock might be ready for another child. 

_John wasn't._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something dramatic always happens when I start writing again.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I made this jump all over the place, I hope I didn't so please comment any feedback.


End file.
